8/366 – I’m sorry for your loss.

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I find it hard to deal with death. Not my own – that would be quite easy to deal with, considering I’d be dead. I have trouble dealing with people who are experiencing the death of a close one. I tend to put myself in their shoes before contemplating the best course of action and I find that in this case perhaps this might not be the right thing to do.

I’d imagine the passing away of someone close to me to be a very personal and emotional journey that I’d like to traverse of my own accord, with little to no interference or condolence from a third party. I wouldn’t like to be reminded of how sorry everyone felt for my loss. Because in more than a majority of the cases they are just words hidden behind evaporating tears. Not to say that these people aren’t following the socially acceptable norms to deal with the situation, but that is exactly what I am questioning here.

What I would like is their silent acknowledgement of the passing away of a human being and if it really means something to them, their presence at the funeral ceremony. And once the remains of the dead have been dealt away with I wouldn’t want to hear of it. It would obviously be an ongoing period of healing for me but one that I wouldn’t want to go through with constant reminders of the tragedy, padded with people’s commiserations. It’s done and dusted, now let me suffer in silence and get on with my life, the way you are.

But I’m not sure if my way is the right way. It is for me, but am I causing more pain to the person left behind, who may not opine the same way as me? Would a phone call make it easier for him, if even slightly? My disbelief makes the act awkward enough for me to avoid it all together, but I can’t help but not think about the repercussions of my actions or rather inaction.

I didn’t know your mother, but I know you and we were once friends who shared many happy moments together. I came to know of her passing away today and though my day will carry on just like any other, I know your life has been irreversibly changed forever. I acknowledge your sorrow and look forward to meeting you in happier times. May you come to terms with her death and find appreciation for the part she played in you being the person you are today.

My apologies if you expected me to have called the grieving person.

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