I have truly loved a girl only once in my life. They say beauty is a subjective thing. I’d have have dared you to call her anything else and bet on it too. I don’t believe in love at first sight, nor in soul mates or destiny. And that’s what makes this a bitter pill to swallow. I’ve lost her forever.
I have a very simple definition of love. If you are willing to sacrifice your life for that of another, that is the love you share for that person. I love my family, a handful of friends, my dogs and boy did I love her. She was my muse, and in more ways than one, still is. Some of my best writing was in the love letters I never wrote her. Some of my greatest inspiration I found in the music she’d sing along to and I detest. We never had a song of our own, but we’ve left back songs from which our imprint doesn’t fade away, no matter how hard I try. Neither does it help that most of them were sad songs, about love and it’s abrupt death. It was probably meant to be that way. Or at least that’s how I get myself to sleep at night.
She wasn’t on Facebook, she wasn’t on Twitter and no she wasn’t imaginary – she was perfect, my ‘nirvana’. It’s been three years now since we broke up, correction, since I broke up with her, and the emotional turmoil that has followed everyday since has made me question my own sanity. It has always been a very personal experience for me and it still is, since the handful of people that read this space barely know me. It’s probably the only reason I’m doing this.
To be honest I have moved on, but the regret of that fateful decision always seems to come back to haunt me. Will I ever be able to truly let go? I have to! I need to love again. But comparisons are inevitable and not fair at all to the person on the receiving end. Trust me, been there, done her. Will I be able to love again? Or has love bounded me? Is there someone even more special out there for me? Of course there is. But how would she feel after reading this? I cannot lie about it. It will need to be a love more passionate and truer than before, for I cannot imagine it otherwise.
There will come a time when you too feel the love that I once felt. Then you will understand. And for your sake I hope it lasts, because she won’t take you back.